Fear and Halloween (Guest Post)

3 yr old Robbie comes running into the kitchen announcing, “Mommy, I want to be a pirate for Halloween and Katie (his 2 yr old sister) wants to be a princess.” They’re so excited!

The day arrives to go get costumes. Robbie begins telling Katie all about Halloween night, “We’ll go out after dinner and come back with lots of candy!” Then mom hears Robbie whisper to Katie, “Be good in the store or you’ll lose your costume, okay!”

As soon as they see the Halloween isle they both freeze in their tracks. Mom hears Katie say, “Go home!” Robbie says nothing. They both run up to mom and squish their bodies into hers for safety; they’re really scared!
Mom holds them both very close and whispers, “It’s okay, you’re safe, the costumes are pretend.” Slowly the jaws-of-life hold they have on mom is easing up… and then it happens.

A stupid teenager in a gorilla mask walks up behind mom and growls at the children. They both dissolve into hysteria and tears so mom leaves immediately. As mom is telling dad the story she wonders, other than the stupid teenager what made the kids so afraid when they were so excited five minutes before?
Fear can be tricky for parents. Some parents deal with fear by making light of it, and if that doesn’t work they wonder if this fear is something the child will always exhibit. Fear at Halloween tends to trigger development because preschoolers are learning about independence and power, let me explain.

Development increases a child’s independence and power. The flip side of that independence and power is losing control. When a child looses control it scares him. Halloween triggers the fear of loosing control because that’s what most costumes represent to children, creatures that can’t be controlled. When they see these creatures running loose on Halloween it can trigger the same unconscious deep-seated fear he feels when he can’t control himself and that scares him, so he rejects Halloween costumes and fun.

How can you help little ones get through Halloween?

• Don't belittle your child if she reacts when someone walks up to her in a mask, even if it's someone she knows. Remember to a child taking off a mask can seem like removing a face.

• Don’t spend too much money on costumes at this age because your child may announce at the last moment, “I don’t want to put it on” or “I don’t want to go out and trick or treat.”

• Try creating a different kind of Halloween during difficult developmental stages. If the kids are scared have a small party with friends and no costumes. Or have a pumpkin carving party with treats and hot chocolate.

• Don’t forget that just answering the door on Halloween means looking at scary things too!

• Be willing to come home after five minutes of trick or treating. Or be willing to carry your child so she’s close to you and up at eye level. That may help her feel less afraid.

Halloween can be great fun family—as long as you take your clues from your child.

Sharon Silver is the founder and director of ProActive Parenting, www.proactiveparenting.net a site offering downloadable seminars so parents can Stop Reacting & Start Responding when handling toddler & preschooler behavior. For tips: twitter @ proactvparentng & facebook @Sharon.ProActiveParenting.Tips

New Tips for the New School Year!

Well it's that time of year, parents are beginning to prepare children for the school year. Along with a new teacher comes new rules and new friends, Another thing that comes along with going to school is the exhaustion that comes at the end of the day that can lead to misbehavior. ProActive Parenting wants to support parents as the family adjusts to all the changes the new school year brings. We are running a BOGO Back to School Special for the month of August. This is your chance to purchase a seminar and get another one for free. A chance to find words, tips and methods that will support you as your change behavior and adjust to the new school year. Interested? Go to www.proactiveparenting.net and get all the information you need to support you and your family as a new school year begins.

Sharon Silver
ProActive Parenting
Dedicated to Helping Parents Raise Children, Not Just Correct Behavior
www.proactiveparenting.net

ProActive Parenting Review! Two Thumbs Up!!!

A while back I introduced to you ProActive Parenting. ProActive Parenting provides audio seminars for you to download onto your computer, to your iPod, MP3 player or to burn on a CD. There are several seminars available to help you become a better parent and better understand your child. Sharon Silver, the creator of ProActive Parenting sent me the Everyday Solutions Series. This Series included each of the 10 seminars which include whining, siblings, interrupting, yelling and more.

I think I am like most moms, where I wonder, "What am I doing wrong?". I have struggled the past while trying to get my children to listen to me, not interrupt me and stop doing something they shouldn't be doing. I thought maybe I needed to be more strict with them and that if I used a stern tone they would stop and listen to me. This has not worked. In fact this has only made them use the same tone towards me or towards each other. I on the other hand have only gotten loader with my voice and at times I am find myself yelling. Well, I finally made the time to listen to these wonderful seminars. I now wonder what made it so difficult for me to just turn them on. It was so easy to listen to these as I was cleaning in the house or making dinner. So let me tell you a bit of what I learned.

I loved these seminars. I have only gotten through three of them as of now, but have listened to two of them twice. There is so much wonderful information and great ideas on correcting your approach when it comes to dealing with your toddler. I have learned that my stern (yelling) approach is only preparing my children to treat me that same way as they become older. If I handle situations by reacting with a load voice, they are going to do the same towards me, which I am already starting to see (I know I am not the only parent who loses my cool). Another discipline tactic I and others overuse is "Time Out". I use timeout daily and I have used it as part of my disciplining. The truth is "Time out" was originally made to help the child and the parent calm down so that they could discuss the problem and have the right mind to do so. Now a days we are threatening with time outs left and right and not really giving the child or your self the chance to calm down before discussing the situation. With this knowledge and other wonderful techniques taught in ProActive seminars, "Time Out" is not a daily routine. If "time out" is used, I inform my child that they need to calm down and ask them to sit and take deep breaths until they feel calm. In the mean time, I do the same and inform them when I am ready to talk as well. This approach has really helped us communicate a lot better. My little boy also feels like I am understanding his needs more and am listening to his frustrations and needs. Again, "Time Out" is now rarely used in my house now because of how I view "time outs" and because of the other techniques used from ProActive Parenting.

Just from the 3 seminars I have listened to, I have learned so much. I have only shared with you just a small portion of what I have learned. Before I close I would like to share one of my favorite techniques I learned from the ProActive Parenting seminar "Interrupting- Not Now I'm Talking". Sometimes I feel like my children are just waiting for me to pick up that phone. They can be being angels at the moment, but as soon as I pick up that phone they attack. Especially my 4 year old. He tries to come up with every question possible while I'm on the phone to see if he can get my attention. I have never known what to do during this except to either hang up with the other person on the line or to threaten my son by taking a special toy away if he doesn't stop. These have never solved the problem. Now I use the touch approach. With this you teach the child that if they have something to say to you while you are on the phone, they need to use the touch approach. Here they will touch your arm and wait for you to make eye contact with them. Touching your arm while you are busy, allows them to know that you are aware they are there. I also like to touch my sons hand at this time so he knows I will get to him when I am ready. When the parent is ready to talk, they will give the child eye contact and depending on the situation they can ask them to whisper in their ear what they need or ask them out load. This really works! My son loves it and thinks it is a game. We will sometimes practice it to refresh his mind on how he needs approach this situation.

I love the Proactive Parenting seminars because they give you the calm way to approach common parenting situations. These approaches also are made to correct the problem and not just a way to deal with them temporarily. Too often parents use forms of discipline to handle a situation the quickest way possible. If you have anything with your toddler that you are particularly struggling with, I recommend you head over to ProActive Parenting. Here you will learn how to get rid of threats and timeouts and solve the problem in a more permanent way.

Sharon Silver is a mom, an educator, and a powerful speaker. Her mission has always been to create programs that help parents focus on what else can be done instead of going straight to punishment. Her commitment to children and families has even resulted in her appearance on an episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show called “Hitting, Spanking, Smacking: Should it happen to your child?”

ProActive Parenting giveaway! ($149.95 value)

I love being a mother. I love watching my children grow and I especially love how they make me laugh. They are such a joy to be around... There are some days though when I feel exhausted. These are not the days my kids are happy, listening and minding. These are the days that I feel I have no control over them, I start to feel lost and uncertain about my parenting. I will admit, l have so much to learn and I know I have much to work on.


Well this giveaway is for all you parents who feel similar (I know I am not the only one). I want to introduce you to ProActive Parenting. ProActive Parenting is dedicated to helping parents raise children, not just correct behavior. They offer several Parenting seminars on MP3 audio that you download to your computer, to your iPod, or MP3 player or burn a CD . This allows you to be able to listen at your own convenience and during your busy schedule. They must know parenting when they know that trying to find a minute to sit down to read is nearly impossibly. When you purchase any of their seminars you will also receive a monthly newsletter, a collection of tips, and stories from Sharon, the Mommie Mentor and others, as well as great resources that can help you with your daily life and all you have on your plate.
ProActive Parenting offers a seminar on age appropriate time-outs and seminars on teaching parents how to create
a change in behavior in everyday life events of a toddler or preschooler. Some of these include whining, siblings, interrupting, yelling and more. Although Proactive Parenting focuses on toddlers and preschoolers, their teachings can help you with older children and for years to come.


I would love to get my hands on my own copy one of these seminars. Well actually I would love to get my hands on all of these seminars. Well, one of you are going to win just that, a free download of the entire series, The Everyday Solution Series. This is all 10 seminars and a $149.95 value!

To Enter: Visit ProActive Parents and look around. Then come back here and tell me what you find appealing about their products or which seminar you think you could use.

*Bonus Entries*
-Share one parenting tip that has worked for you. (Example: I am using tickets right now with my 4 year old and he this has really helped with him obeying)
-Add my button
-Subscribe to my feed
-Post this giveaway on your blog or twitter!

Please leave a separate comment for each one and what it is for!

Rules: In order to win, you must provide a valid email. I will be notifying the winner by email. The winner will have 48 hours to respond to me with their name and address. If this information is not received within 48 hours new winner will be chosen.
This giveaway is opened to everyone!

Giveaway Ends: April 20, 2009